Owner Health: You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'

We were losing our business. Our payables were way more than our receivables and we had no way of fixing it. It was devastating to my wife and me.

But what was harder for me was to watch my wife’s emotional health deteriorate. She couldn’t step foot in the office without a minor panic attack. She laid on the couch and watched a lot of TV. She didn’t interact with me or our boys as she usually did. She was generally a very happy, content, positive, joyful person. But now she was different.

What we know now is that her emotional health – and mine – were fragile. We were not able to cope with the struggles we were facing. Struggles themselves were not new to us, but our inability to deal with them was. We’ve since learned that emotional health is something we need to be aware of and monitor.

So what is emotional health? According to Healthline.com’s article How to Build Good Emotional Health, “For starters, it’s not the same thing as mental health. While the two terms are often used interchangeably, emotional health ‘focuses on being in tune with our emotions, vulnerability, and authenticity,’ says licensed psychologist Juli Fraga, PsyD. Having good emotional health is a fundamental aspect of fostering resilience, self-awareness, and overall contentment.

Keep in mind that having good emotional health doesn’t mean you’re always happy or free from negative emotions. It’s about having the skills and resources to manage the ups and downs of day-to-day life.”

Recognize the Symptoms

If you’re struggling with emotional health, you may find that you’re isolating from others or having way less energy than usual. There may be noticeable changes to your eating or sleeping habits, more conflict with others, more use of substances, and feelings of irritability, hopelessness, or worthlessness.

With my wife, there was no question she was isolating herself from others – me, our kids, and her friends and family. She slept more during the day and less at night. She had no energy and there were most definitely feelings of hopelessness. What made things worse, is that she then added feelings of guilt on top of that. It was brutal.

Ensuring Emotional Health

Being aware of your emotional health, or lack of health, is step one. But how do you improve and maintain emotional health? Here are a couple of things that have been helpful to us:

Balance

Try to create balance between your work life and your personal life and between activity and rest. As business owners this can be especially hard. In our case, the fact that our company office was in our home made it difficult for my wife to separate work and home. There was no respite from work because it was always right in front of us in the form of our office. We since moved to a different house and dealt with the same issue. We were both working from a room on the main floor of our home, right in the middle of our living space. It was fine, but we recognized that it’s been harder to “turn off” our work brain when we’re constantly walking by the office. It’s hard to relax with a book or a TV show in the living room, when you know that on the other side of that wall is a pile of work to be done. So we renovated a space in our basement in which to move our office. It has allowed us to create more separation between work and home. It won’t be part of our living space and we can very easily close the door at the end of the day, putting work behind us, and go upstairs to enjoy the rest of our day.

Connect

For many, one of the hardest aspects of COVID was the inability to connect with others, which only increased the potential for emotional health issues. It’s important to stay connected with friends and family - in-person. We are certainly grateful for the technology that allows us to connect virtually, but nothing replaces face-to-face interaction. So be sure you’re staying connected with people who love you and are good for your soul.

Celebrate the Wins

Having a goal, achieving that goal, and then celebrating the achievement is helpful to maintaining emotional health. It’s so important to have something to look forward to, something to strive for. Achieving goals helps us to feel good about ourselves and build self-esteem. So set some goals – big ones, small ones…it doesn’t matter. But take the time to celebrate when you reach them.

Limit Substances

I have seen an increase in the use of substances with contractors over the last couple of years. For many, it is a coping mechanism that dulls the senses and allows them to ignore difficult emotions. If you find you’re relying more on substances now, it’s a good indicator that there are some emotions that need to be acknowledged and worked through.

Exercise and Sleep

This is a recurring theme in our series on owner health. Getting exercise and enough sleep seem to be foundational to overall health. Exercise doesn’t have to be strenuous or time-consuming. Take a quick walk during lunch, park further away from store entrances, or download an app that helps you exercise for a few minutes a day (there are SO many free apps). I find I like to walk while I’m on the phone, even if that’s just around the yard. I was surprised to see how many steps it added to my day to just walk while I’m talking on the phone.

Silence and Solitude

Taking some time to relax, unplug and be quiet often allows thoughts, feelings and emotions that need to be dealt to come to the surface. If you have a faith tradition that is meaningful in your life, lean on the strength that gives you. Since you can’t deal with what you don’t know, identifying your emotions during these times of quiet will help you address those emotions better and quicker. Again, this doesn’t have to take a long time, but I’ve found it best if it is a consistent time. Maybe it becomes part of your lunchtime walks, maybe it’s finding a spot to park for a few minutes on your way to work or on your way home. Just give yourself some time to stop and sit in quiet.

Find Help

It’s important to know when it’s time to seek help. If you’re having trouble dealing with difficult emotions, reach out for help. If you’ve tried dealing with things on your own but are not seeing any improvement, contact a professional. You do not have to handle it all on your own.

In case you’re wondering, my wife got better. We ended up closing our business which, as difficult as it was, provided some relief as it allowed us to exit the land of crisis and start on the road to recovery – emotionally, financially, relationally, mentally. Because of our experience, we have great compassion and understanding for business owners and the stress and strain that comes with owning a business. We also know the signs to watch for in each other so that we stay emotionally healthy and connected. And it’s worth the work.